Once Again

My mother in tears because I don't believe in Jesus. Why, or why? Is her god so petty, is it so cruel. Must be because she is nicer than it is. Poor woman..

Internal Knowings

Having a listen to Alicia Keys singing about NYC.Its how I feel about London. I can actually see my future and it is bright and shiny with Simon. All my insecurity is gone now. It is the best feeling ever. I think I will open a coffee shop as well with Helens B'friend let him run it. Pay him a nice salary. Sell espresso, exclusive coffee's, cake pop, Portuguese food. Now that sound s good.. Nom Nom. He is such a great guy. He is so sweet, I hope she isn't  cruel to him.

New Years Eve

Well its NYE 2010 and I am finally at a place in my life where I can fly higher than ever before.

The next 25 years are going to be magical. I will sail, para-motor, travel more of the world. I may never see it all but I will come close. I am finally more comfortable in my body.

I will speak French,Spanish,Mandarin,Arabic fluently .

I will write, produce and win multiple awards for my documentary in women and Atheism.I will write 3 Operas and they will be most successful of my life time.

Selling out for years in Paris, London, Munich, NYC,LA,Hong Kong,Warsaw,Rome,Dubai,Barcelona.

My life's work will be the following:
1. The Butcher of Poznan
2. The Moor of Valencia( Moro de Valenica)
3.  The Wishing Well( Der Wishing Well)

The Scarlet Woman- Documentary on Women and Atheism( Nobel Prize, Oscar)

Keeping my resolve

I seem to be more and more in a state of knowing now have I ever have before. Either that or I will except nothing else. It feels good it feels empowering, I feel like my ''true' self. My being is feeling maximized . I am so glad I didn't wait. Now I am doing. seeing and feeling amazing things. I have literally talked myself into a new way of belief and if they Universe responds or not I don't care I am finally HAPPY .

It is all up to me! I feel the ''magic'' I feel that sensation I used to have when I was child. The pure beauty of knowing, I was it,this was it. I feel as if though all I have to do is try and get out of my own way and expectation will do it all automatically for me. Its relaxing and freeing and fun. I could write an Operas, trade Forex be 3 sizes smaller in 3 weeks. I can do anything. I just realised it now.

I was limiting myself out of what , who cares. I need to  push on and be me. Its all in my head , my experience and body respond so quickly that it is like lighting. Nothing an ''expert'' says applies to me, because they have always been wrong, since the beginning.

The Phoniex

What I desire is inside here. I need not search any more. I f was not the epitome of beauty, style, intellect, ambition,  charm and reality creation I would not even think these were parts of me. How do I release this from within, what do I have to do?How can I free the Phoenix? I sit and I think, how, what, when , why? I sigh and I doubt. I allow 'others' to sway my vision of myself and what I know to be true in my heart. I know I am eccentric in all the good ways!I know I can lose 3 sizes in 3 weeks, I know I can easily trade Forex and make 1000.00 a day profit, I know I will be the Top Salesperson. I know I will be known all over Europe for my beautiful voice and music. I know my marriage is perfect. How do I get to where I experience these things? I have to live my life without doubt, but how? Does it really matter if I don't doubt, the sun will still rise,I will still exist, my husband will still love and adore me. The only difference will be me.