New idea

Along with my documentary and my job I am now writing an internet dating theasco book with Holly. It will be a smash hit and she can do all the PR stuff and I will take care of the back ground work..

Just another change

I am loving this revised version of me! Well its me without all the crap. I am throwing away all pseudo religious( new age) material. I have seen evidence that cells vibrate and that they attract to each other. I can rationalise that one. No airy fairy, emotions and belief. It is just to distant and convoluted. Nothing matters but your opinion. I understand that now. It literally vibrates your cells! Reinforcing whatever cellular oscillation, increases or decreases the probability of the desired occurrence. A vibe is a real thing, its not an illusion and can be detected by other individuals. Hence, physical and emotional attraction. Individuals react to certain'' cellular vibes'' and their corresponding physical or emotional triggers. Anything from tone of voice, to pheromones. It is actually science, even inanimate objects vibrate on certain frequency. AWESOME

Same ole story

I have grown tired of this pseudo relationship I have with my mother. Its always about her. How devastated she is that I am not some bible toting Christian.Always with the tears, I just want my kids to be happy and know Jesus>> How the fuck am I supposed to know Jesus, if he existed at all,he died over 2,000 years ago and was a fucked up Jew, would I even want to know him. I know she has ''daddy'' issues, which drive her from rational thought. Of course, I didn't search for a father, I had one and he sucked. No thanks on a repeat again.. 20 years of pure devotion to her ''happiness'' and it still isn't enough to gain her favour over an imaginary ''daddy''. Sod it then I live 5,000 miles away. I am becoming famous over here for intellectual pursuits. ''I know its real, I feel it. The Holy Spirit? Really? I speak in tongues.. So you are weird. I know Angels languages. Wouldn't be easier to communicate to people in English or what have you?

Once Again

My mother in tears because I don't believe in Jesus. Why, or why? Is her god so petty, is it so cruel. Must be because she is nicer than it is. Poor woman..

Internal Knowings

Having a listen to Alicia Keys singing about NYC.Its how I feel about London. I can actually see my future and it is bright and shiny with Simon. All my insecurity is gone now. It is the best feeling ever. I think I will open a coffee shop as well with Helens B'friend let him run it. Pay him a nice salary. Sell espresso, exclusive coffee's, cake pop, Portuguese food. Now that sound s good.. Nom Nom. He is such a great guy. He is so sweet, I hope she isn't  cruel to him.

New Years Eve

Well its NYE 2010 and I am finally at a place in my life where I can fly higher than ever before.

The next 25 years are going to be magical. I will sail, para-motor, travel more of the world. I may never see it all but I will come close. I am finally more comfortable in my body.

I will speak French,Spanish,Mandarin,Arabic fluently .

I will write, produce and win multiple awards for my documentary in women and Atheism.I will write 3 Operas and they will be most successful of my life time.

Selling out for years in Paris, London, Munich, NYC,LA,Hong Kong,Warsaw,Rome,Dubai,Barcelona.

My life's work will be the following:
1. The Butcher of Poznan
2. The Moor of Valencia( Moro de Valenica)
3.  The Wishing Well( Der Wishing Well)

The Scarlet Woman- Documentary on Women and Atheism( Nobel Prize, Oscar)

Keeping my resolve

I seem to be more and more in a state of knowing now have I ever have before. Either that or I will except nothing else. It feels good it feels empowering, I feel like my ''true' self. My being is feeling maximized . I am so glad I didn't wait. Now I am doing. seeing and feeling amazing things. I have literally talked myself into a new way of belief and if they Universe responds or not I don't care I am finally HAPPY .

It is all up to me! I feel the ''magic'' I feel that sensation I used to have when I was child. The pure beauty of knowing, I was it,this was it. I feel as if though all I have to do is try and get out of my own way and expectation will do it all automatically for me. Its relaxing and freeing and fun. I could write an Operas, trade Forex be 3 sizes smaller in 3 weeks. I can do anything. I just realised it now.

I was limiting myself out of what , who cares. I need to  push on and be me. Its all in my head , my experience and body respond so quickly that it is like lighting. Nothing an ''expert'' says applies to me, because they have always been wrong, since the beginning.